Choo Choo

Choo Choo

Nov 24

Something to think about this Thanksgiving for all my bariatric sisters and brothers as we sit closer to the table then we did last year.

I don’t know this lady but you can buy a copy of the print here Etsy in my crack addiction

I apparently sucked down a bottle of botox

I apparently sucked down a bottle of botox

Oct 13

Ahhh the school photo. When you are young they are the hallmark to your development. When you get older it’s a bit strange – what the heck do you do with them? Send them to my mom? Put them on the fridge??? Mostly they hang out rolling around in my desk drawer. I got my photos for this year and chunked them in my ever so unorganized desk- only to find the photos from the 10-11 school year right next to them. So I took a minute out of my busy day to have a “holy shit” moment.

Granted, in both of them I look like a confused parrot- but the change is pretty obvious.

You aren’t broken: my visit with the psych

You aren’t broken: my visit with the psych

Oct 12

I’ve been frustrated with my three month stall. Actually frustrated isn’t the right word. Downright pissed would be a better way to put it. So (as I said before) I booked an appointment with the psych associated with Dr. Nicholson’s office for a little head shrinking fun times. To be honest with you the thing that made me go is I found myself purging after eating in an attempt to loose weight. Yup, you heard me right- I was forcing myself to puke. Trading one eating disorder for another. When I fessed up and told my mother (keeper of all good secrets) she fessed up and told me she did it too. My mother you see had open gastric bypass about five years ago. I feel I’m in pretty good touch with my feelings (most days) and I couldn’t understand WHY the hell I was resorting to this. I felt weak and easily cracked. Seriously, was I getting that desperate?

Yes, I guess I was. I can’t tell you why I did it-it just seemed to be the right thing to do. In a way I guess I was looking for an external way to control my body even more. I was trying to pretend that it would work when I knew it wouldn’t. It only lasted a few (ok three) weeks. It stopped immediately when I found myself forcing my son out of the bathroom and locking him out so I could do it without him seeing. That simply was not the person I wanted to be. So I stopped.

That behavior thankfully is behind me and I’m not happy not sad to report that my weight hasn’t moved a single inch…for months. The doctor let me know that it was very dangerous for me to continue and it was something we would “revisit” at another time Aka pull that shit out of my head. My weight loss/weight stall (as my psychologist said) exactly what was supposed to happen to my body at exactly the time it was supposed to happen. I have just been very hard on myself. During our talk he let me know that I was actually in front of the curve with my weight loss which made me feel better. He also said “your aren’t broken” simple I know but for some reason it was like a lightning bolt to my soul. I guess everyone needs to hear that every once and awhile.

We also talked about scuba. Yes, scuba. You see I’ve wanted to scuba for awhile. I set a goal that once I reached my goal weight I would reward myself with getting scuba certified. He asked me what all I had on my “list” and then he pointed out that I was waiting for some magical door to be opened where I would feel I’ve reached the “end” or “goal” of my journey. Simply put I’m at my goal. I’ve reached a significant weight loss, I’m healthier, I can play with my son without getting tired- I AM the success I wanted. And WHY am I waiting to start ticking items off my “list”. So you might think “well ya, of course” apparently I needed someone to tell me. Is that strange? Am I weak because it seems I needed someone to be a bit of a cheerleader/ass kicker?

So on the way out of the office I called a scuba lesson place only to find out that the guy that makes the lesson schedule is out on vacation and I needed to call back within a week. So, it’s in the works people. What the hell am I waiting for? The rest of my life will happen if I wait for some magical cue that “I’ve arrived” I have arrived.
Simple I know.
But profound. At least to me.

He also had me begin to write down my goals in life my “non-weight related goals” I started that today as a little art project and will post soon for all to see.

That’s about it people. That’s all I got.

Obesity as Defense

Obesity as Defense

Oct 02

Fox news makes me vomit. But, he’s a link from an article I read on eggfaces blog It’s interesting but not fascinating and the statistics about molestation seem like they could use a bit of a fact check. Never the less it poses a very intriguing question. What does being obese give you? For me (and I’ve been thinking about this a lot) it’s given me a shield and an excuse. Not from men (or possibly it is from men) but just from the world. I believe food is my weapon of choice for many different battles because I was afraid to fight them with anything else. So possibly this surgery gave me the birth of a backbone.

Morbid Obesity as Defense Mechanism?
by Mary Jo Rapini

The recent statistics from the CDC (Center for Disease Control and Prevention) has reported that about one-third (33.8 percent) of U.S. adults are obese. That number rises every day, and keeping up with it is more difficult than keeping up with your stocks. I work with the finest bariatric surgeons in the U.S. They are dedicated to helping their patients lose weight in an effort to thwart diseases, and minimize current disease progression. I also run several 12-step food addiction groups in the city of Houston and online in many cities. I talk to morbidly obese patients everyday. I teach them, counsel them, eat with them, and spend endless hours reading their journals. These patients have a story to tell, but we aren’t listening and we continue asking the wrong questions.
To be sure, obesity is genetic and many times the social milieu of obese patients I work with is chaotic with issues of abuse, abandonment, shame, ridicule, and anger. The genetic role helps explain the body type; the way food may be processed, stored, and proportioned. It cannot explain what keeps the person from changing the behavior that contributes to obesity. In my work, during step 4 of the 12-step addiction group, the group members begin making amends. They look at how their behavior got them where they are. They quit thinking about how they were abused, and begin to consider how they hurt/abused others. The step is painful, gut wrenching and overwhelming for all of these patients. It is also the step I ask them, How do you benefit from being obese? At first they look at me as if I am crazy.

Read the remaining article here

Love love LOVE this website….I think you will as well

Love love LOVE this website….I think you will as well

Jul 24

So I found this site via pinterest (my latest obsession)
Ever wonder exactly what exercises could effect a specific area? Me too! Well now we have it. A website that can help us all out.
Check it out.
Exercise Finder

How you feelin’?

How you feelin’?

Jul 16

I know I haven’t really written much in awhile. I will get around to it eventually. I’m doing well…and slipping at times but then I pick myself up- dust off and get right back on the train. More on that later.