My fifteen minutes starts now…

My fifteen minutes starts now…

Jan 08

I can’t tell you much but I can let you know that I’ve been selected to be on a TV gameshow! It’s actually a crafting competition. Filming is very VERY soon. I will let you know more details when I can.

Super psyched!

So what do you eat anyways?

So what do you eat anyways?

Jan 03

If I’ve said it before I’ve said it a million times. I’m a year out from surgery and probably should take a moment to reflect on where I’m at as far as my eating. So today I decided to take pictures of what I ate so you and I would both understand a bit better then seeing me write it out.

B-fast in the car while driving to work (6:45): One Premier Protein Drink

Lunch (11:30): I didn’t prepare to be honest so I just bought a school lunch
Before

After

Snack (4:30): low fat (not non-fat I can’t stand it) cottage cheese with a bit of sea salt

I also had a fat pinch of shredded cheese as I put back the cottage cheese container but I didn’t take a picture of that
I was FREEZING so I jumped into bed while I waited for my baby and husband to get home and decided I might need more calories
Snack (5:15): Cinnamon Sugar Graham Cracker

My husband was craving some Korean food so we went out to try a Korean place in Denton I read about on Yelp. It wasn’t very good to be honest I ordered the bulgogi.

Dinner (7:00): Bulgogi, Rice (very little) tofu and one small piece of candied potato

I split the order with my very VERY hungry son

And this is what was left. Honestly I know my son ate more then me

Then I came home and ate two marshmallows

On top of that I drank probably six glasses of water. Water is my struggle.
So that’s my day as far as food is concerned.
I didn’t workout tonight. I have something going on with my knee and I don’t want to press it and jack it up anymore.

Choo Choo

Choo Choo

Nov 24

Something to think about this Thanksgiving for all my bariatric sisters and brothers as we sit closer to the table then we did last year.

I don’t know this lady but you can buy a copy of the print here Etsy in my crack addiction

Month 11: How you doin’

Month 11: How you doin’

Nov 23

So hello strangers.

I have neglected this site for sure. But, let me update you on my weight loss progress.
1. I’ve joined a 12 week support group which has been wonderful for cleaning out the shit in my head, planning on bigger goals that don’t involve the obsession with the size of my body and weight loss. For the most part, the topics are things I know and everyone knows (i.e. identifying barriers, eliminating barriers and stuff like that) but for some reason it really helps me to hear it again and again. Something is “clicking” with me when I go to these little meetings.
And believe me I’m not a “let’s all get together and share” type of person. I’m very private when it comes down to my deeper emotions. The stuff on the top no problem- but when you start digging into my brain I do everything but clam up.

2. I signed up for scuba classes and to get my scuba certification. My husband actually bought it for me for Christmas. Can’t wait for that. It’s something I always wanted to accomplish but I felt I was to heavy to wear a wetsuit. It’s amazing to me how I’ve held myself back from things I want to do over little things like “oh I won’t look good in this, or I’m afraid of what other people will think” what a crock.

3. I signed up for AND did my first 5K. Now mind you I didn’t run but I finished it never the less. It occurred to me while I was walking that I wouldn’t have even had a 5K as a goal a year ago.

4. I went on a cruise for my five year anniversary. It was fine but not what I expected to be honest. We will be trying it again after our little one gets a bit older. Basically for five days I chased him around the boat and got him ice cream. Fun but not relaxing one bit.

5. I’m making an effort to make each day valuable. Oh how nauseating! Yup, it’s true.

6. I’ve started going to a nutritionalist. She pointed out that I’m basically starving myself in the early morning and that’s why when I hit the house about 5-6 I binge eat whatever I can find until dinner. With that pep talk I’ve started packing larger lunches and a small snack (usually a cheese stick) for the way home. I also started cleaning for 15 minutes when I get home to avoid the kitchen – I think that works better then anything. Plus, someday I might be able to see my garage floor.

7. Speaking of garage floors. I’ve faced the truth to my overconsumption of everything. Shopping & eating. I am trying to make amends to this.

8. Meal planning. Im going to create a whole post over this because I believe it’s been helping me out quite a bit.

Total weight loss: 96 lbs yes, I’m sort of my 100lb goal for the year but I still have time. Even if I don’t hit the 100 mark I’m still doing well for myself. At month 7 I said I was down 93 lbs I was actually down 83 I noticed I made a mistake in my logging but never went back and corrected it. What can I say? Whoops!

Bowl of bitchy and a side of watercolor

Bowl of bitchy and a side of watercolor

Oct 17

So as I said before on a previous post my psychologist (really if you go to ONE visit with a shrink can you say he’s “my psychologist?) anyways he asked me what all I wanted to accomplish out of this lifetime and for me to come up with a list.

You could call it a bucket list if you wanted but for me…I shall just call it a list.

In the process of coming up with this list I found out (and this is going to sound stupid) that many of my “passions” in life weren’t as bubbling over in my current life. Dare I say I’ve become vanilla with the monotony of everyday? Why hadn’t I been perusing some of my dreams at any weight/level of health? Why had I stopped seeking out the frosting of life? Oh that’s right. Because I was on the couch eating it with a spoon. Ok got it.

Not seriously. Life has changed me (this mind you isn’t a surprise). I used to be a free-wheeling college student without a care in the world- making art and just doing whatever came to mind. Then met my future husband and everything began to slow down. I stopped doing art in my apartment because he felt it was messy. I graduated and started working which ate a huge chunk of my time now fast forward and I’m teaching at a wonderful school but I live 45 minutes each way plus I have a young son. It seems I cook, clean up after him and then hit the sack only to repeat the process again. Waaaa what a poor little bitchy baby I’ve become. What a fucking adult I sound like.

So, I’ve started putting together a bit of a book. Per my style nothing is complete and everything is a bit of a mess. I’m not the best watercolorist in fact I don’t like my watercolor work at all but hell….whatever right? So above is the first page embrace artistic vision. I teach art. I’m surrounded by it each and everyday but I rarely make time to do it for myself. So that’s something that needs to change to allow me some headroom. I need to start making art again. Making the time.

Mind you I could tear this up with my negative thoughts. I hate the font and the spacing is all wrong the pen is strange. But I won’t. I’m just going to let it be. Shut the hell up voice in my head and just make another page. Yup, it’s a whole new philosophy of the week.

Obesity as Defense

Obesity as Defense

Oct 02

Fox news makes me vomit. But, he’s a link from an article I read on eggfaces blog It’s interesting but not fascinating and the statistics about molestation seem like they could use a bit of a fact check. Never the less it poses a very intriguing question. What does being obese give you? For me (and I’ve been thinking about this a lot) it’s given me a shield and an excuse. Not from men (or possibly it is from men) but just from the world. I believe food is my weapon of choice for many different battles because I was afraid to fight them with anything else. So possibly this surgery gave me the birth of a backbone.

Morbid Obesity as Defense Mechanism?
by Mary Jo Rapini

The recent statistics from the CDC (Center for Disease Control and Prevention) has reported that about one-third (33.8 percent) of U.S. adults are obese. That number rises every day, and keeping up with it is more difficult than keeping up with your stocks. I work with the finest bariatric surgeons in the U.S. They are dedicated to helping their patients lose weight in an effort to thwart diseases, and minimize current disease progression. I also run several 12-step food addiction groups in the city of Houston and online in many cities. I talk to morbidly obese patients everyday. I teach them, counsel them, eat with them, and spend endless hours reading their journals. These patients have a story to tell, but we aren’t listening and we continue asking the wrong questions.
To be sure, obesity is genetic and many times the social milieu of obese patients I work with is chaotic with issues of abuse, abandonment, shame, ridicule, and anger. The genetic role helps explain the body type; the way food may be processed, stored, and proportioned. It cannot explain what keeps the person from changing the behavior that contributes to obesity. In my work, during step 4 of the 12-step addiction group, the group members begin making amends. They look at how their behavior got them where they are. They quit thinking about how they were abused, and begin to consider how they hurt/abused others. The step is painful, gut wrenching and overwhelming for all of these patients. It is also the step I ask them, How do you benefit from being obese? At first they look at me as if I am crazy.

Read the remaining article here