You aren’t broken: my visit with the psych

You aren’t broken: my visit with the psych

Oct 12

I’ve been frustrated with my three month stall. Actually frustrated isn’t the right word. Downright pissed would be a better way to put it. So (as I said before) I booked an appointment with the psych associated with Dr. Nicholson’s office for a little head shrinking fun times. To be honest with you the thing that made me go is I found myself purging after eating in an attempt to loose weight. Yup, you heard me right- I was forcing myself to puke. Trading one eating disorder for another. When I fessed up and told my mother (keeper of all good secrets) she fessed up and told me she did it too. My mother you see had open gastric bypass about five years ago. I feel I’m in pretty good touch with my feelings (most days) and I couldn’t understand WHY the hell I was resorting to this. I felt weak and easily cracked. Seriously, was I getting that desperate?

Yes, I guess I was. I can’t tell you why I did it-it just seemed to be the right thing to do. In a way I guess I was looking for an external way to control my body even more. I was trying to pretend that it would work when I knew it wouldn’t. It only lasted a few (ok three) weeks. It stopped immediately when I found myself forcing my son out of the bathroom and locking him out so I could do it without him seeing. That simply was not the person I wanted to be. So I stopped.

That behavior thankfully is behind me and I’m not happy not sad to report that my weight hasn’t moved a single inch…for months. The doctor let me know that it was very dangerous for me to continue and it was something we would “revisit” at another time Aka pull that shit out of my head. My weight loss/weight stall (as my psychologist said) exactly what was supposed to happen to my body at exactly the time it was supposed to happen. I have just been very hard on myself. During our talk he let me know that I was actually in front of the curve with my weight loss which made me feel better. He also said “your aren’t broken” simple I know but for some reason it was like a lightning bolt to my soul. I guess everyone needs to hear that every once and awhile.

We also talked about scuba. Yes, scuba. You see I’ve wanted to scuba for awhile. I set a goal that once I reached my goal weight I would reward myself with getting scuba certified. He asked me what all I had on my “list” and then he pointed out that I was waiting for some magical door to be opened where I would feel I’ve reached the “end” or “goal” of my journey. Simply put I’m at my goal. I’ve reached a significant weight loss, I’m healthier, I can play with my son without getting tired- I AM the success I wanted. And WHY am I waiting to start ticking items off my “list”. So you might think “well ya, of course” apparently I needed someone to tell me. Is that strange? Am I weak because it seems I needed someone to be a bit of a cheerleader/ass kicker?

So on the way out of the office I called a scuba lesson place only to find out that the guy that makes the lesson schedule is out on vacation and I needed to call back within a week. So, it’s in the works people. What the hell am I waiting for? The rest of my life will happen if I wait for some magical cue that “I’ve arrived” I have arrived.
Simple I know.
But profound. At least to me.

He also had me begin to write down my goals in life my “non-weight related goals” I started that today as a little art project and will post soon for all to see.

That’s about it people. That’s all I got.

Surgery prep

Surgery prep

Dec 20

Well I had my pre-op visit with Dr. Nicholson and this week (yes, the week of Christmas) I’m going to go in for all my pre-op testing which only includes (to my surprise) an upper GI and blood work. Surgery is scheduled for Monday the 27th. I can’t believe it’s already here.

My pre-operative diet has been going well and I’m already down 8 lbs. Dr. Nicholson has me on a 1200 calorie diet which includes 5 Slim Fast shakes a day with a pretty healthy and surprisingly large dinner of 5oz lean meats and 2 cups veggie. I’ve found that I really like the sugar free Carnation drinks but for some reason they are a bit hard to find in my local stores so I’m sticking with the Slim Fast which I’ve found the Cappuccino Delight to be the best out of all of them. Although the drink falls VERY VERY short of a good Cappuccino if you close your eyes and pretend you can imagine yourself in a roadside coffee shop surrounded by other people also pretending to be drinking something close to quality coffee. It’s not horrible but not fantastic at the same time. I haven’t felt hungry at all which is a big surprise.

I feel good. Going to the store today to buy everything I will need for the first three weeks after surgery.

My 1200 Calorie Liquid Diet

Dietary Guidelines

Dietary Guidelines

Dec 12

While searching around the internet for information regarding pre-operative two week diet regimens (I have my own but I’m always down to getting more information/perspectives) I found several overviews/introductions to bariatric surgeries. I thought it would be nice to share some of my finds as I believe it will help someone else who is also looking. Click on the pict below for a full view of the program.

Where’s the beef, MD?

Where’s the beef, MD?

Nov 08

Four months ago I told my doctor I would need a letter of medical necessity for the bariatric surgery. that’s FOUR months ago. Then last month I reminded her. Then two calls in to remind her. Today I go in for my LAST appointment to qualify for surgery. (Yes, very excited thank you). No letter. She forgot. Then she told me to go home and write it for her and email it to her and she would have it ready in the morning.

WHAAAAAAAA?

She is a bit older – but she’s kind and listens to me. As an added bonus for some reason, which I find hard to identify, she reminds me of the where’s the beef lady.

So here are some links that might help you if you find yourself scrambling to put together a medical necessity letter.

Personal plea to the insurance company
Sweet and short
I liked this one
Straight forward

Let me know if you have any links

Psych or Rubber Stamp?

Psych or Rubber Stamp?

Oct 23

So-yes, I haven’t been writing much on this blog. To be honest with you it seems nothing is happening except for the passing of the days. I’m slowly creeping towards the approval date for surgery. November 5th will be my last doctors visit before I go into the insurance approval process. My hope is that surgery will fall with my school holiday break and I will be able to recuperate and rest without missing many days at school. I also have my insurance deductible paid up for the year with the birth of my son and it would be nice if I didn’t have to shell out the deductible for the surgery (not trying to be cheap just practical).

ANYWAYS, so the only thing to report is my visit with the suggested psychologist. In a strange way I was excited to visit with him. I wanted hard questions-I wanted to dig a bit into the psyche. So the receptionist told me to block off a three hour time frame for the visit. Three freaking hours? That’s long enough to dwell into my brain and fill a cavity. Here’s how the visit went:

Doc: Where are you having the surgery?
ME: Ughh….Plano
Doc: No, where in your body?
ME: My stomach
Doc: Yes that’s right….your stomach
(Are you kidding me?)
Doc: What shape will your stomach be after the surgery?
ME: Ugh…..a sleeve
Doc: That’s right, a sleeve or a banana
(What type of people must be coming into this office?)

Then he instructed me to go out to the waiting room and fill out a 370 question questionnaire. True False. Riveting questions such as:

Is someone out to get you
Do you hear voices
Some people are just born evil
Do you feel you smell oddly

I found it hard not to revert to my high school “I hate this bullshit” attitude and actually fill out the paperwork as it was intended. But, I did all 370 questions of it. The next day he called to tell me I passed the test with flying colors (should I be proud?) and that the results were being sent to Dr. Nicholson.
I later called him back to see what type of personality the test indicated I had- he responded that he didn’t really “dive into the nuances” of the test he just used it as an indicator of daily stress.

Well, mother fucker why don’t you just ask me next time?

Good pre-surgery questions to have answered

Good pre-surgery questions to have answered

Aug 06

Do I get my own room or do I have to share?

Will you be performing the procedure, or an assistant?

What type of post-op testing will be done?

How many of each weight-loss surgery procedure have you performed?

How long will I be in surgery?

How long will my stay be in the hospital?

How long will it be before I can return to “normal” physical activity?

Can you explain restrictive surgery versus malabsorptive surgery to me?

Does the hospital have specially trained staff for this type of surgery?

Given your experience what do you expect from me…. ie Weightloss/Goal weight?

Do you have to get drains, what do they do to check for leaks and who do you contact in case of an emergencies.

What is their protocol if you are in pain more pain then you can handle? What will they do?

What should you watch for in case “something” doesn’t feel right?

What aftercare will I get?

Will my gallbatter be removed with the surgery?

What type of support do you offer? (groups, meetings ect)

What can I expect in the follow-up visits? Will I be seen by you?

Costs and payment methods if using insurance and or not using insurance